5/03/2011

Gettin' More Than A Vampire

We always thought vampires were king when it comes to doing the nasty. Jason is quickly proving that you don't have to be dead to hop in bed.

Jason Stackhouse's Romantic Conquests!


Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten) is most definitely stacked. And what this True Blood hunk lacks in smarts, he makes up for in the bedroom big time. Seriously, Jason has a reputation for being a ladies’ man, so we went ahead and made him a sex list. Is there anyone this boy hasn’t gone horizontal with?


1. Maudette Pickens. Wow, Jason could have done so much better than this broad. And we say “broad” because Maudette was like 40 –– but with a banging body, to be fair.

2. Dawn Green. Dawn was “sex on a stick,” as Lafayette would say. She was the only waitress at Merlotte’s who dressed sluttier than Sookie.

3. Amy Burley. Who would’ve thought this free-spirited, granola-eating hippie would be Jason’s type? Oh well, if they have T&A, he’ll bed ‘em. Amy might have seemed like a groovy tie-dyer, but she had a major sinister side behind that peace pipe.

4. Random college girls. After Jason shot Eggs in the head, he was in need of some major sex therapy. Enter two horny veterinarian college girls who were more than willing to take turns. Too bad Jason couldn’t stop picturing them with bullet wounds in their heads. What a turn off –– for the girls, that is. Most of Bon Temps would be totally aroused by dead-person sex.



5. Sara Newlin. While Jason was on vacation at extremist bible studies, he developed a crush on his teacher. Sara Newlin was one banging broad, but she was married to The Fellowship of The Sun’s vampire-hating Reverend Steve! After watching Jason kick butt in capture the flag, Sara got it on with him in the church.

6. Crystal Harris. Jason is so over humans. It’s all about animals for this stud! OK, half-animals, but still. Wasn’t it Jason who was curious about Sam doing it with other dogs?

Whew! And that's just 3 seasons. Here's hoping poor Jason can survive about ten more seasons of True Blood.

Should the vampires be taking notes on how he does it?

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